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Flirting And Body Language When Dating-the Experts Opinions
By Adam and Drew, Fri Dec 9th
If you’re on a first date and you’re trying to figure out whatMr. or Ms. Potentially Right thinks about you, look downward.Not there, silly. “The key to a man’s heart isn’t his stomach.It’s his feet,” says Lisa Daily, author of “Stop GettingDumped!” (Subtitle: “All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madlyin With You and Marry ‘The One’ in 3 Years or Less.”) As itturns out, the foot rule also applies to women. “Watch the feetof the person you’re attracted to,” she tips AdamandDrew.com.“People who are attracted to each other subconsciously try to‘line up’ with the other person. Where the toes point, the heartfollows.” When you take the Sherlock Holmes approach to readingyour date, trying to sleuth out whether he/she thinks you’re hot(or not), body language is the smoking gun, my dear Watson.“Even if we’ve got our game faces on, the body doesn’t lie,”Daily says. In fact, studies reveal that only 7% of ourcommunication is verbal, according to Mari Smith, a relationshipcoach based in San Diego, California. The other 93% isnonverbal. Tips & Clues Men send out the following tips whenthey’re interested in you, according to Daily and Smith: -Smiling. - Extended eye contact. - Grooming behaviors(straightening their ties, pulling up their socks). - Uprightstance or posture. - Standing with their chests thrust outwardand shoulders back (think of a giant preening peacock). -Ego-driven comments about their successes in life (jobs, cash,their cars). “He may have one hand in his pocket, with his thumbsticking out, or tuck his thumbs in his belt,” Smith adds. Asfor the so-called “fairer” sex, look for the following nonverbalcues from a woman: - Extended eye contact and smiling (just likemen). - Leaning inward or toward you. - Exposing her neck, handsor palms. - Flipping her hair (with her hands or a twist of thehead) or twirling it playfully. - Crossing and uncrossing herlegs. - Fondling cylindrical objects like the stem of a wineglass, straw, pen or cigarette. (Paging Dr. Freud…) “Houston, WeHave a Problem” “For both sexes, there are also signs thatthings are not going well,” says Daily, who notes thatdistasteful dates, traumatic breakups and consequent crisisperiods often call for “a few Nora Ephron movies and two tubesof frozen cookie dough eaten right out of the package.” Look forspeech patterns that are wildly out of sync. “He’s a slowtalker, while she’s a thousand-words-a-minute,” she says.Defensive body language—arms crossed in front of the chest orhands subconsciously protecting the groin area. Someone whokeeps looking over your shoulder while you speak. “When someoneis not interested in you, they will typically point their bodyand feet away from you and position themselves at a greaterdistance,” Smith adds. Saying Goodnight…or Saying Goodbye? Asyour date winds down, other cues foreshadow your relationship’sfuture. “If
you give your date a hug on the doorstep and he orshe pats you on the back, it’s a sign of discomfort,” Dailysays. “The more uncomfortable your date feels, the bigger thepat. The other obvious, not-so-great sign is going in for thedoorstep kiss—and getting a handshake instead.” (Ouch!) Positivesignals are much easier to read: a concrete invitation for asecond date, with firm plans—not just “let’s do this again” or“I’ll call you sometime,” Daily says. The Flirt Factor Flirtingwith your date—and being on the receiving end—meets Sherlock’scriteria for irrefutable evidence that your lovely evening mayevolve into a bona fide relationship. Daily takes it one stepfurther, asserting that flirting is “absolutely necessary.”“Flirting is how we communicate our interest—and how we connectemotionally before we connect physically,” she says. “Generally,flirting is harmless, but it can sometimes be interpretedincorrectly by the ‘flirtee.’ The key is to pay attention to thetone of the flirtation and wait to see how the flirter respondsif you try to take it up a notch. If she backs down, she wasprobably just flirting for fun. If she escalates the flirting inturn, she’s communicating interest.” “Use attitude, voice andbody synchronization to make others feel like they have aspecial rapport with you,” advises Nicholas Boothman, acommunication specialist and author of “ How to Make SomeoneLove You Forever in 90 Minutes or Less.” He encourages those hecounsels to learn to “access—and rev up—your sex appeal, withoutgoing over the top.” Translation? Create chemistry by mirroringyour partner’s physical presence and verbal behavior. “When yousynchronize your overall body language, your tone, the speed andvolume of your voice, and even the type of words you use—as wellas your attitude—people feel safe, familiar and trusting withyou,” he tells AdamandDrew.com. Smith believes women have theedge—and a lot more fun—when it comes to flirting. (Sorry,guys…) “Playful, lighthearted behavior is really the domain ofwomen,” she says, “and typically men it and gravitatetoward the woman who looks the most fun. It certainly pays tofamiliarize yourself with all of the signs of attraction so youknow how and when to communicate interest—and make sure you’resending the right message!” About the author:Adam and Drew's Dating Tips is visited by thousands of singlepeople each and every week looking for tips they can use whenout on a date. By working with a variety of experts in thedating, flirting, body language, relationship and online datingfields Adam and Drew have managed to create a wealth ofinteresting, readable and most importantly usable tips for thoselooking for love. Find out more at http://www.adamanddrew.com
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