I Am A Rooster Illusion

Illusionary roosters are a force to be reckoned with.

Let's Mess With Texas

I had a shirt that said this and everyone loved it so much and asked me where I got it so I recreated it here, for you.  Yes I do love you.  Yes I dooo.  6 different Colors.

End The Fed

The federal reserve is destroying this nation along with bad government and the jerk bilderberg group.  Many new designs added to this line over the last couple months.

Daily Deaffirmations

I had a whole list of these I drew up one day at work, but promptly lost it when I got home.  It's around here somewhere, but as of now I have 4:  Spandex - Not Just For Skinny Girls, and Dusk - The Last Thing You See Before You Have To Lock Yourself Inside And Cower In A Corner Because Giant Radioactive Killer Spiders Rule The Night.  =)  The other 2 are below.

We'll see your wedding and raise you a funeral!  I just couldn't help myself.  Media hype bullshit + sheeple that only care about what the media hype bullshit machine is currently forcing down their throats over and over = pop culture mouth breathers who I wanna punch in the freaking mouth.

The deadliest motherfucking weapon known to man.

Made for the newest meeting in 2011, I thought I should help get the word out because the mass media certainly isn't fucking talking about.  I mean the US mass media, of course.  Everyone other media outlet in the world is talking about it.  Funny how that works....

In fact, where the fuck am I?

A books worth of words can be summed up with one frowny face.

A naughty therapist that says naughty things.  Check out the variety of things said.

A great little drug shop, with a great little name.  Come on down and see life in a new rainbowy tracer light!

Why the fuck are we letting these ruffians fondle us at airports.  Anywhere else it would be a felony.  A little girl, a supermodel, politicians, a lady in a wheelchair - do these people look like fucking terrorists?  Fuck the TSA.

Osama Bin Laden is dead.  All the problems you had with the government should magically disappear, right?  Just like everybody else, right?

This, for some reason, took me Ages to make.  I just couldn't get the damn eyes to look right, like a panda's.  Well, I'm done working on it, so live with it.

There was a second coming, if you know what I mean.

Hey, if you're reading this You Did Too!

Don't believe the mass media.  Don't believe the government.  Stop watching reality tv for 8 hours a night.  Use critical thinking!  Think for yourselves!!

So many people should just Suck It!

Another version of the Omnomnomnom.  I actually ordered this on a shirt, and the colors came out really well!

A year later and you hear nothing about the swine flu.  How many people died of this "horrible, world-wide epidemic?"  The answer:  not many at all.  I hope those bastard CDC/Big Pharma scam artists burn in hell.

Sodium Fluoride is horrible for you, and this explains why.

What prompts people to inform you of their stage of development in life when agitated?  Like I'm gonna say, "Oh well then, nevermind.  I thought I was dealing was some sort of child with an overactive growth hormone.  Please accept my sincerest apologies, I had no clue you were a grown-ass man."

Man look at that lady's face.  A stare doesn't get much more vacant than that.

And I couldn't be prouder!

Based on the guy who's burger, fries and drink was ripped from his hands by a tornado.  Youtube "The tornado took my burger" to see him in action.

Your dog has been by your side since it was just a wee pup.  You try to keep an eye on it, keep it safe, but you won't always be there for it.  What better way to show you care than to teach it self-defense?  Your dog will thank you!

Comes in black and white and color, and then black and white and color with the word Life in the center.  The picture is a baby going to a man to a skull.  Or is it the other way around?  No, probably not.

Got a picture of a plane flying into a sunset over some mountains about to do a barrel roll, and then some with just words, such as "Barrel Roll - you should do one." and "when in doubt - Barrel Roll."  I highly suggest doing a barrel roll, if you had missed that point.  =)

Some people are just like this.  I would like those people to stay far the fuck away from me.  Thanks, you people.

Reads: "So let me get this straight.  I don't believe in the government takeover of health care.  I don't want the government to control my internet, blogs or internet-based journalism.  So am I a Racist?  Or am I a Domestic Terrorist?  Well, which is it?"

I'm a firm believer in Less government.  Like 1776 kind of government.  We are bankrupt and in a Forever War.  If I talk shit about how fucking bad the Obama administration is doing, I'm an asshole, a racist, whatever else - "Well, he's better than Bush" - fuck no, he's Bush x 1000, way fucking worse.  People reporting the Fucking Truth online are gonna either get shut down or "taxed" - money they have to pay goes to the bullshit corporate media.  Lieberman wants to give the president the power to shut down the internet for months at a time to stop terrorists from attacking power supply systems that are Not connected to the internet.  Obviously, a lot of motherfucking shit has to change, because we are currently getting our asses raped by our government that says they are trying to protect us by taking all our rights away while we sit back and drink beer that kills brain cells, eat GMO foods that cause god knows what kind of health problems (hmmm, I'm wide awake, then I eat a frozen pizza and 20 minutes later I'm falling asleep, hmmmm....), water with fluoride in it that causes docility and bone cancer, swine flu shots that give us all kinds of fucked up problems, and brain numbing mind control television and retarded celebrities to occupy our time so we don't get fucking pissed off and try to change shit.  Sorry for the profanity, but wake the fuck up.

The FAIL line.  A bunch of different types:  Really Big Fail - I totally cracked the thesaurus for this one, a cat saying "The Fail Is Strong With This One" and several with just words that say "You Fail" and other various FAIL slogans.  Come FAIL with me!

Epic Win!  iWin!  For The Win!  Win!  Like the FAIL line, only the opposite.

All indie rockers have 3 things in common:  beards, plaid buttonups or ironic shirts, and juice that comes from their beard that compliments their thick dark beer or Red Stripe.  Also, the beard juice comes in 2 different colors:  if they see an indie band that they really like, it's purpleish, the more they like it, the more it froths over with juice.  If they get jealous of something, the juice turns green, and let me tell you, it happens a lot.  These are facts that people need to know about indie rockers.

Shut the Fuck Up, Lieberman!

My mom likes to say, "I've really been thrown for a loop!" or "That really threw me for a loop!", and I just think it's rather hilarious.

Pretty self-explanatory, me and you, we're gonna go all the way!  20 different designs.

I Just Don't Find You Attractive

Let people know what you think about them.  New designs added!!

1 for the guys, 1 for the gals.  The guys:  "There are plenty of dudes with perfect bodies who aren't complete assholes."  The gals:  "There are plenty of girls with perfect bodies who aren't complete bitches."  Straight to the point.

I really don't know.  12 different styles though!

This war on terror will never end, because a "terrorist" can be whoever they want it to be.  If they don't have a terrorist to attack, they will attack us themselves, or ignore a pending attack, and blame a group of "terrorists" to get the ball rolling (see world trade center, Pearl Harbor, the Oklahoma city bombing, the underwear bomber, cops that dress up like protesters who start smashing windows so they can disperse and arrest peaceful protesters, or straight up lies like what started the Vietnam war.....)

Boy does it ever.  Just look at Christianity - they totally based their entire religion on it.  Well, that and plagiarism...

When in doubt, ask 1600s pimp.

OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM

Nerd stuff.  I love nerd stuff.

Yah, that's just about right.

Negative and Don't Be Negative.  Located in the Destroyed By Design category.

A bunch of treats with the word "Treats!" underneath.

A bunch of juicy stuff with the word "Juicy" underneath.

Rocketz that say Rocketz!  Located in the Destroyed By Design category.  In normal and washed.

Says "Smoking."  Located in the Destroyed By Design category.

Love Me Some Subtraction and Caution:  I Subtract Well.  Located in the Destroyed By Design category.

I was at a gas station and was watching this lady trying to figure out how to pay at the pump with her credit card, and this image popped into my head.

Says "Belly Dancing - damn that shit's hot!"  PG-13, have to be logged in to see.

Says "I Want You" and then something messed up

From the Scarface 2 Motion Picture Soundtrack, "Scarface 2:  Streetjams."

LOL, memes.  Anyways, don't ever think getting a microchip is a good idea.  Even when they make it sound like the best idea.

When somebody does something so idiotic all you can do is slap your palm over your face in sheer anger.

Reads: There is no Left!  There is no Right!  Stand Up, Sit Down, Fight!  Fight!  Fight!

and his lesser known brother, FracGuana

Why?  Because pledging our country to a global government and carbon tax destroys the sovereignty of our nation and thus an act of high treason.

Pretty much can see it in his eyes.  He doesn't give a fuck about you, he's just a puppet, continuing on the same bullshit Bush continued on from Clinton who continued it on from the other Bush.  They are all the same.  And they all are saying Fuck You, America!  Why do you continue to let them?

says HAHAHAHA and then something else.  16 different designs!

You know somebody like this?  Somebody who changes the conversation no matter what direction it is going to better reflect something about themselves and/or some pearl of wisdom they wish to share?  I bet you do.

Quite a mouthful.  The words on the shirt, I mean =P

Love me some double entendres

Reads:  What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the rooftops.

Reads:  If the government wanted to microchip you would you let them?  The correct answer is No!

Again, microchips suck.  If we had a cashless society where everything was scanned off your microchip, what happens if they don't like you and just shut off your chip?  Yah...

Same as the First, A Whole Lot Louder, A Whole Lot Worse.  Screw the federal reserve.  We are wage slaves because of them.

Recently a group of people dressed up like zombies here in Minneapolis.  They lurched around and acted like zombies, odd but weren't hurting anyone.  Then 7 of them were arrested by police.  They were held in jail for 3 nights.  When they got out, they sued the city.  They were first denied the ability to sue by the courts, but they appealed and won.  Now all 7 of them are suing for $50,000 each.  Who's gonna have to pay that?  The police?  Or the taxpayer?

I'm a firm believer if a cop goes nuts and tases innocent people or arrests zombies for no reason and there are financial repercussions, ie, people sue, then the facking police should have to pay out of their own salaries.  We'll see how long their little facking power trips last then.

Ode to LOLcat.  I would definitely assume that this cat means business.

A bunch of sheep off to the clinic to pay $29.99 to get their shot full of poison.

P.C. Hodgell pretty much sums it up.

Reads:  What I want and what I Expect are 2 different things.  What I Want is to be told the truth.  What I Expect is for you to pull out bigger shovels to move more of your bullshit around.

Also a censored version.

From the depths of depravity dating back to the mid 1800s, I have unearthed an old magazine entitled "Ye Dirty Olde Man Magazine."  Popular amongst politicians and soldiers at the time, it featured a different dirty olde man every month who talked about his sexual conquests and gave pertinent sexual advise to his colleagues.  They discussed anything from new positions to crazy fetishes like a clown shoe up the ass.  Yah, it's about to get weird....

I updated near the beginning of 2011 with 12 new images because this guy contacted me telling me he wanted to buy a crazy calendar for a friend.  I guess they have a competition every year to see who can get the most repulsive calendar for the other.  So I marathoned it all out in about 2 days, and I must say that I think they're better than the first 12, but guess what - he never bought the calendar.  Oh well.  So now there's 24 images and 2 calendars.  I also made a demonic-looking Lincoln....

You have to log in to see these because it's PG-13 and they won't show otherwise.

Comes in 3 different fonts, each with 2 variations:  One that says, "nawimsayin?" and another that says, "nawimsayin?" with "(do you know what it is that i'm saying?)" underneath it.

Ode to Mike, my old friend Matt's cousin.  He used to say this all the time, until we started saying, "No we're alive." every time he said it.  He then stopped saying it.  Haven't seen him since.

Guilty on several counts of Douchebaggery and much more.  Also 2 versions that allow you to add your own text!

Her Camel Toe Was All Hanging Off Like It Had Acid Splash On It...

ummm, yah i dunno...  i was actually gonna delete this one because i never thought it would sell, but then it sold, so screw it lol!

Attitude - Come Get You Some.

Come get some.  Let people know where to come get some.  Getting you some attitude is good for your health.

Camelot - It's Only A Model.

It is.

I'm Sorry You're Stupid

Let people know how you feel about them.  8 different Colors.

Come Get You Some Line

Come get you some in the following varieties:  Bacon, Camelot, Green Beans, Origami and Me.  More to come.

Doesn't Respect Elders

Especially when mofos like you are ruining this world.  Not talking about "global warming", either.  That's just a complete lie you tell us to take more of our freedoms away.  Just like all the "terrorists" you arrest, get them on the front page to make sheeple afraid, and then release them the next day.  And all your lies about the swine flu.  Pandemic!  Pandemic!  Give me a break.  Domestic terrorism, internet terrorism, banker bailouts, forced insurance, CO2 is a "poison", mandatory service - just fuck off and die already.

If It Wasn't For Assholes, This Place Would Be A Ghost Town

Let people know what you think about the current place you are in.  Comes in 4 different Colors.

Help Me Help You Fuck Me

Everyone needs help now and again.  6 different Color schemes.

I Got You A Parting Gift

8 different colors.  Works for both men and women (parter, partee)

I Totally Drilled It Shut.

Let everybody know what you totally did.

It's A Celebration Bitches

Let everyone know what time it is.  Never thought it was gonna sell, but it did finally, and then like 2 more times right after the first.  When it's a celebration, bitches, it pours!

Me No Know How!

I was working one day and this guy was such a moron, I was trying to explain to him how to do something and he had this look on his face that totally expressed "Me No Know How."  Now I use it in everyday conversation when I see idiots trying to open their small little brains and receive new information processes.  It happens a lot.  They say the U.S. is ranked 24th in education.  I disagree, it's gotta be way less.  54th maybe.

Nerd Nation

10 styles of shirts, each with a different nerdy saying, from "=)" to "LOL WUT!?"

You're What Boys Like To Call A "Practice Girl"

you are.

Looks Like Someone Is Suffering From WAHHNOREXIA

lol crybabies.

Feeling nerdy?  Get one of these shirts and fill in the stats under the customization option on Zazzle.  Super easy to do.  Because everyone should know how much Constitution you have.

"Work With What You Got" Does Not Mean "Dress Like A Whore"

Pretty self explanatory.

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